Breaking The Generational Cycle 

Let’s talk about generational cycles and how the circle of abuse in families begins and sadly continues. As an adult I have learned that my parents, grandparents and great grandparents all came from abusive situations. They also had or lived with someone who had some form of mental health issues (Bi-Polar, Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety, PTSD, Schizophrenia, Multiple Personality Disorder, OCD ect.)
Mental illness often leads to substance abuse as a way to escape what they are feeling, alcohol or drugs become their way of numbing everything. Physical and emotional abuse is one of the #1 reasons for substance abuse. 

What a tragic combination my family was dealing with from the beginning, a explosive one when you stop to think about it. 

We were all taught at a very young age not to speak about the things going on in our home, those were private matters. We spent most of our younger years around family so all we knew was this disfunction, to me that was what the whole world was like. It was normal to see my mother wave a knife at my father, or my father throw a beer bottle at my mother slicing her arm and everything was fine that same evening. These things that are very scary to others were “normal” to me. Imagine also that not only was I taught that we do not speak about these private matters but every generation was brought up this way. 

Since no one is allowed to speak about the happenings in their homes, no one is able to get help or even realizes they need help for the deep rooted issues they are facing. This right here is how the circle begins.

So the circle begins and sadly the person has no idea that the violence they have lived, seen, and survived this far is not the normal way of life. Imagine for a moment this is all you have ever known, therefore this is all you honestly believe the world has to offer. You may realize the strong anxiety and depression you feel isn’t how everyone else seems to feel but you have no idea how to go about fixing it. Remember you can’t talk about the happenings in your home, or family or things from your childhood. 

So you are a grown up now and looking for a life partner, you pair up with someone who is similar to you right? That is what everyone looks for in a partner….similar interest, similar family beliefs and so on. Here enters the circle, the pattern, the generational cycle of abuse.
Here is where my journey takes a turn. I looked at my children and my life, I take a deep breath and realize I am deep in the circle. I was uknowningly teaching my kids the cycle. I REFUSED to let that be the life my children lived and I began to realize I deserved so much more out of this beautiful thing called life! So began our journey. 

Right now as I post this publicly, as I hit that publish button, I am taking a deep breath and knowing I am…

  • BREAKING THE SILENCE 
  • BREAKING THE CHAINS
  • BREAKING THE CIRCLE 
  • FREEING MYSELF 
  • FREEING MY CHILDREN

We all have a voice and we all have a right to use it. Never let someone silence you, never let someone dull your sparkle. You are beautifully and wonderfully made. ❤

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Life Is Full Of Craziness

When I started this blog up again I had hoped to post positives only, but lets be real, life is full of ups and downs and middle of the road moments. I have been away from the blog for a bit for a couple of different reasons. I wanted to play with my kids, get them back to their school schedule and just live in the moment of life and not on the computer for a bit. Health issues arose again and had to be addressed and will continue to need to be and the few times I did try to write I once again just couldn’t put into words what was in my head.

So here we are with me typing away again and no wall in front of me stopping me. The most important thing I want to say is that life has been a storm since I came back from our vacation, but no matter what life has thrown at me I have decided to remain positive. My kids are happier than ever, I feel a peace I have never felt before and I know no matter what, the kids and I will make it through whatever is thrown at us.

Sometimes people do things out of anger and don’t realize all the people they are hurting, they have blinders on and see only one thing, and only one person they want to cause pain to. In doing so though they unfortunately hurt the ones that love them the most. Fortunately though I have learned through the years that when people hurt it doesn’t mean they don’t love, it more than likely means they don’t know how to show love.

I could choose anger about certain things that a person is doing in our lives but I won’t, I refuse to let anger, rule our lives. I have always taught love and forgiveness to my children and have lived by that myself. So as we move forward in our journey I choose this to deal with the storm thrown at us.

We have amazing friends and family that lift us up, love us and keep us laughing.

When we were on vacation we were adventurous, and we brought that back with us. The kiddos and I have been having so much fun attending school movie nights, petting zoos, ice cream dates….just making time to be a family. I can’t express how much these moments have helped mend broken hearts from the past.

I wouldn’t have imagined I would have found the strength to keep moving forward when everything seemed to keep working against me but I have and I owe that to my amazing friends and a inner strength that I think every Momma has when faced with what they thought was impossible.

In closing I opened up about these things because I just want other Momma’s to know you got this! You will make it through whatever storm you are faced with, take it all day by day and just keep moving forward. Happiness is a choice. I choose happiness, love, laughter and to see the blessings all around me even in the middle of a storm.

Starting Over

I have been missing from my blog for some time and I wanted to start out by apologizing for that. Life threw a few things at me that I never expected and I took some time to reflect and deal with those things. I also removed my previous blog entries so that I could start over fresh here and now 🙂

In fact at the beginning of 2015 my life started over in a sense. My husband and I separated, this isn’t a bad thing, I mean it could be but with time I have seen that my husband is a better father to his kids with time apart from them, and I am a much less stressed mother, and the kiddos and I feel a whole new peace in our lives. When I got married I never imagined that I would divorce after 12 years of marriage but sometimes life has different plans for us than we imagined.

Where does that leave me….well I am taking each day as it comes. I am happy and smiling every day again and finding my inner strength and adventure I lost somewhere along the way. Part of me wishes that divorce wasn’t what needed to happen for me to find these things within me again, but then again if it wasn’t for the divorce I wouldn’t have remembered who I loved being and the strength I truly had.

I guess one of the main things I was reminded of going through this current situation is that when life throws you lemons make some lemonade. 🙂 Ok so you are probably thinking this lady is crazy, she gets a divorce after 12 years and says make lemonade….well it’s lemonade or choose to suck on a sour lemon for the rest of my life while throwing a pity party. I choose the first option. I have been through far to much in life to give up now or surrender to sadness. So I am having my lemonade and loving it!