Speaking Up and Speaking Out

A friend of mine reminded me of a time I worked up all the courage I had and got up on a stage in front of about 200 plus women and told of some of the most private horrifying things that had happened to me. I was inspired to share this by a woman I had heard speak on that same stage a year prior. For those that are close to me, they know that it is hard for me to speak one on one with a person or simply be in a crowded place, my anxiety usually kicks in and I find the quickest exit. That night though I remember reminding myself how much the woman Joanie’s story changed my life. She gave me the freedom to speak to someone about what had happened to me, and to begin a journey to healing.

I didn’t realize it fully at the time but I wasn’t opening up about everything but it was a amazing start and I was gaining strength that would later help me make decisions that would make my life and my children’s lives so much better. (we will save that for another post) I have found my silly, happy, goofy side again. 🙂 12108835_10207669333952010_7935439574138426038_nHowever I would come to realize later as weeks went by my journey that I had lived through and come out of on the other side and placed me on that stage that day had also placed me in front of a few women who were right were I was the year before. I had a young teen girl approach me and ask to speak with me about something she had gone though, a week or so later I met a woman who would later become one of my best friends, her daughter insisted she needed to get to know me that our stories were to similar that it was a sign….boy was it because I would swear we are sisters. LOL

To often woman go through abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse, mental abuse and they don’t speak up, they don’t speak out, they blame themselves, they think they deserved it, if only they had handled the situation different then it wouldn’t have happened, if they didn’t drink that night then it wouldn’t have happened. Ladies these are not excuses for men or boys to take advantage or abuse you. We as women want to fix, mend, help and in turn we put ourselves and our happiness on the back burner…..ultimately this can cost us our lives. Don’t be embarrassed or afraid, your friends probably already know and want to help, but you need to go to them, trust me they are there and they will help.

In closing the woman I mentioned in the beginning who helped me to find strength by sharing her story is still sharing her story and bringing awareness to women. Along with her is the amazing Hahn Team who are offering FREE self defense classes. I am including a link to a news story that was on locally here last night and a link to the Hahn Facebook page. Please take a moment and check out these links.

https://www.facebook.com/sarah.maness.1/videos/629426073866936/?pnref=story

https://www.facebook.com/arnoldhahnmartialarts/?fref=ts

Grateful

I have noticed on social media that the month of November has become a time to reflect on the things we are grateful/thankful for. I love this idea and I participate in it each year. Throughout the year though not just the month of November I try to remember how much I truly have to be thankful for. During really ruff patches in my life this helps me to realize I have way more to be thankful for than to worry about.

The things we can be grateful for can be big or small, but trying to remember each time something negative or bad happens to stop and think what do I have to be thankful for right now has always helped lift me up. It may not fix the situation but it gives me a bit of strength to face the situation before me.

Recently I was invited to a group on social media that is full of people who are regularly posting big and small things they are grateful for and I love reading all of it. Not only do I see the happiness in their lives but I am even more inspired to remember that no matter what I face in life there is something to be grateful for in my life.

In closing I want to list a few things I am grateful for and would love to hear from some of you in the comments about the things you are grateful for…..

My Grateful List At The Moment

Friends

My Children

Food on our table

A roof over our head

Laughter

Love

Those Days When You Can’t Wrap Your Head Around All That Is Happening

I think everyone has these days. One thing after another keeps going wrong, you stop and think…”seriously could anything else go wrong?” and then of course it does.

Here’s the thing though, can you change it? Can you honestly have changed any one of those things that have happened that day? The answer is probably no. So in that case what do you do? Do you let it control your emotions and take you down for the day, the next day, the next week…or do you just realize crap happens that is out of our control and that everything will work itself out in due time.

We have all had many storms in our lives and we are still here….why? Because we made it though those storms day by day, moment by moment. As we grow though we get to decide not to hide in our anger, sadness and pity and just decide ok this happened, I can’t change it and it will all work out the way it should. Letting go and not trying to control things releases a anxiety that takes over our mind and body. It’s freeing to do this!

This doesn’t just go for small storms, it goes for those big storms too, the ones that shake us to our core. In fact I am facing a few of those right now. I can feel overwhelmed like I have in the past, I can cry non stop, hide from the world or I can order Chinese food, have a movie night with my kiddo, laugh, cuddle and know that no matter what it will all work out just as it should.

We all have choices, sometimes in the middle of these storms it is hard to see that we have the choice to just let go and let it work itself out, but we truly do and it is more freeing than I can ever explain. It isn’t easy, every time one of the thoughts of the storm pops in my head I have to stop myself and remind myself that this is handled, the truth will set us all free, that there is a rainbow at the end of every storm but I am retraining my brain to do so and again it is freeing me from an anxiety that in the past ran my every single day life.

I still have bad moments, it doesn’t fix everything, but it is a good place to start.

Much love everyone.

Live, Laugh, Love

Life Is Full Of Craziness

When I started this blog up again I had hoped to post positives only, but lets be real, life is full of ups and downs and middle of the road moments. I have been away from the blog for a bit for a couple of different reasons. I wanted to play with my kids, get them back to their school schedule and just live in the moment of life and not on the computer for a bit. Health issues arose again and had to be addressed and will continue to need to be and the few times I did try to write I once again just couldn’t put into words what was in my head.

So here we are with me typing away again and no wall in front of me stopping me. The most important thing I want to say is that life has been a storm since I came back from our vacation, but no matter what life has thrown at me I have decided to remain positive. My kids are happier than ever, I feel a peace I have never felt before and I know no matter what, the kids and I will make it through whatever is thrown at us.

Sometimes people do things out of anger and don’t realize all the people they are hurting, they have blinders on and see only one thing, and only one person they want to cause pain to. In doing so though they unfortunately hurt the ones that love them the most. Fortunately though I have learned through the years that when people hurt it doesn’t mean they don’t love, it more than likely means they don’t know how to show love.

I could choose anger about certain things that a person is doing in our lives but I won’t, I refuse to let anger, rule our lives. I have always taught love and forgiveness to my children and have lived by that myself. So as we move forward in our journey I choose this to deal with the storm thrown at us.

We have amazing friends and family that lift us up, love us and keep us laughing.

When we were on vacation we were adventurous, and we brought that back with us. The kiddos and I have been having so much fun attending school movie nights, petting zoos, ice cream dates….just making time to be a family. I can’t express how much these moments have helped mend broken hearts from the past.

I wouldn’t have imagined I would have found the strength to keep moving forward when everything seemed to keep working against me but I have and I owe that to my amazing friends and a inner strength that I think every Momma has when faced with what they thought was impossible.

In closing I opened up about these things because I just want other Momma’s to know you got this! You will make it through whatever storm you are faced with, take it all day by day and just keep moving forward. Happiness is a choice. I choose happiness, love, laughter and to see the blessings all around me even in the middle of a storm.