Where do you begin when life has given you so much to share?

Life teaches you so many things. Through the bad you learn how much strength you have, and to appreciate the good times all the more. Through the good times life teaches you to stop, breath in the aroma around you, laugh and enjoy all that is happening in that moment. 
I sometimes think life threw so much at me with a purposeful force. As if I was meant to write a book, or hell maybe a soap opera 😂. The more I share the more you may begin to understand that last sentence.

 I have written so many post through the last 3 years and deleted them. I have felt as if even though I made choices that set me free from things that were toxic I still had long chains attached with giant locks preventing me from being completely free. Free to speak openly without a filter for fear of backlash, free in a sense that I didn’t have to take extra precautions to secure mine and my children’s safety. Free to just be the me I have always been and free to speak my truth even if that truth isn’t an easy one to speak. 

I have broken these giant locks on these long chains and now slowly I am breaking each link of the chain by putting a voice to the silence. 

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Uncensored & What To Look Forward To

I have always said I live life as a open book, if ask about my depression I will tell you about it. I feel like I was given a responsibility to bring a voice to depression, to the fact that you can treat it, that you should and need to treat it, that you can live with it, and that it doesn’t have to run/ruin your life. I have written my blog and had people reach out to me on their dark days, I believe this is because I have opened up about my dark days, middle of the road days and amazing days. I have talked about my family, friends and some of the hard times we have faced. However in the past I have wrote my blog in a censored way.

What!?!?!?! Censored you say? I thought you just said open book??? Hang in there with me for a minute my friends. There are certain people that were in my life who didn’t want me to tell parts of my life, for fear of the way they would look.  I didn’t start this blog to make other people look bad, or to hurt other people. In order to tell my story, my life, I have to tell it all, the good, the bad and the in between. I started this blog to put my thoughts down, and in hopes that my thoughts may connect with someone else and help them if they were struggling. 

I have realized now at this point in my journey it is truly important to stop being silenced. Stop allowing other people to censor me, to speak up, speak out and for all the same reasons I was before. There may be one person who hears my thoughts, my life story, my struggles and finds strength in that, or simply comfort in knowing they are not alone. I can not tell my life story without speaking about my life. Maybe my words leads a person to reaching out for help. Any of these above reasons are the exact reasons why my blog is going to be active again and UNCENSORED!

From here on out not only am I promising to be a open book but I am no longer going to censor what I say in fear of the people who have threatened me, harassed me and caused me more pain then I ever should have given them the power to do.

So with all that being said, I don’t intend to bash anyone on my blog, that has never been who I am as a person but I do plan to begin to tell my story, from the beginning and set myself free from the chains that have held me down for most of my life.

Why choose to do this now? I have been on a journey for about 3 years finding myself, the real me. Not a me that was told to be a certain way, or a me that was trying to be perfect in every single way and ending up in panic attacks because perfection is not reasonable. The me that laughs, and loves with everything I have, the me who helps others just to see them smile and lives life to the fullest with nothing and no one holding me back.

Coming to the blog soon will be a series of thoughts, clips of moments in my life, and lessons I have taken away from the past and learned along my way. As always I apologize for taking a break from writing but I truly believe I have grown so much and have a lot more to share thanks to that break. 🙂

Love others as you would love yourself but remember to love yourself as much as you would love others. 

Live, Laugh, Love

Christmas Time

This year I have so many mixed emotions going in to the Christmas season. I have always loved Christmas, I loved giving to others in need, and surprising my children Christmas morning. After being separated from my husband for almost a year now, all that has transpired during that time which has been caused by choices out of our control had begun to leave me feeling defeated.

Here’s the thing though no matter what has come our way the kids and I have continued to feel pure happiness, love and safety. We have a home, heat, lights, food and all the essentials which many go without all year long. We are so very blessed with these things and most of all we are blessed with an amazing support system who loves us, lifts us up and pulls us through with lots of inspiration.

Today the kids and I decorated for Christmas and I have to tell you all a little secret. Last year the kiddos were done with decorating by the time with finished the tree so I came up with a plan, we saran wrapped the tree and stored it all year. This year we were able to carry it up, unwrap it and plug it in, bam the tree was done! It was so easy and worked perfect! The only thing we did was add our completely random hippo ornament a friend of mine picked out for us this year and she is just so cute she is front and center!

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Saran Wrapped Last Year Brought It Up This Year Unwrapped And Plugged In! Perfection 🙂
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Sally Our New Hippo

We had plenty of other Christmas decor to decorate the rest of the house so we played Christmas music, danced, laughed and made memories that I pray will last a life time.

It’s days like today that remind me that no matter what else is going on in life I have amazing kiddos who love to help, who enjoy the small things, and who at this age still enjoy family time together! I also can’t believe how much my babies have grown and how quickly.

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My Little Monkeys In 2010

Christmas and holidays have come to be known for gifts, but I think the memories we make with our family are the true meaning of Christmas and the celebration begins and ends with the love we all share.

 

Starting Over

I have been missing from my blog for some time and I wanted to start out by apologizing for that. Life threw a few things at me that I never expected and I took some time to reflect and deal with those things. I also removed my previous blog entries so that I could start over fresh here and now 🙂

In fact at the beginning of 2015 my life started over in a sense. My husband and I separated, this isn’t a bad thing, I mean it could be but with time I have seen that my husband is a better father to his kids with time apart from them, and I am a much less stressed mother, and the kiddos and I feel a whole new peace in our lives. When I got married I never imagined that I would divorce after 12 years of marriage but sometimes life has different plans for us than we imagined.

Where does that leave me….well I am taking each day as it comes. I am happy and smiling every day again and finding my inner strength and adventure I lost somewhere along the way. Part of me wishes that divorce wasn’t what needed to happen for me to find these things within me again, but then again if it wasn’t for the divorce I wouldn’t have remembered who I loved being and the strength I truly had.

I guess one of the main things I was reminded of going through this current situation is that when life throws you lemons make some lemonade. 🙂 Ok so you are probably thinking this lady is crazy, she gets a divorce after 12 years and says make lemonade….well it’s lemonade or choose to suck on a sour lemon for the rest of my life while throwing a pity party. I choose the first option. I have been through far to much in life to give up now or surrender to sadness. So I am having my lemonade and loving it!