Breaking The Generational Cycle

Let’s talk about generational cycles and how the circle of abuse in families begins and sadly continues. As an adult I have learned that my parents, grandparents and great grandparents all came from abusive situations. They also had or lived with someone who had some form of mental health issues (Bi-Polar, Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety, PTSD, Schizophrenia, Multiple Personality Disorder, OCD ect.)
Mental illness often leads to substance abuse as a way to escape what they are feeling, alcohol or drugs become their way of numbing everything. Physical and emotional abuse is one of the #1 reasons for substance abuse. 

What a tragic combination my family was dealing with from the beginning, a explosive one when you stop to think about it. 

We were all taught at a very young age not to speak about the things going on in our home, those were private matters. We spent most of our younger years around family so all we knew was this disfunction, to me that was what the whole world was like. It was normal to see my mother wave a knife at my father, or my father throw a beer bottle at my mother slicing her arm and everything was fine that same evening. These things that are very scary to others were “normal” to me. Imagine also that not only was I taught that we do not speak about these private matters but every generation was brought up this way. 

Since no one is allowed to speak about the happenings in their homes, no one is able to get help or even realizes they need help for the deep rooted issues they are facing. This right here is how the circle begins.

So the circle begins and sadly the person has no idea that the violence they have lived, seen, and survived this far is not the normal way of life. Imagine for a moment this is all you have ever known, therefore this is all you honestly believe the world has to offer. You may realize the strong anxiety and depression you feel isn’t how everyone else seems to feel but you have no idea how to go about fixing it. Remember you can’t talk about the happenings in your home, or family or things from your childhood. 

So you are a grown up now and looking for a life partner, you pair up with someone who is similar to you right? That is what everyone looks for in a partner….similar interest, similar family beliefs and so on. Here enters the circle, the pattern, the generational cycle of abuse.
Here is where my journey takes a turn. I looked at my children and my life, I take a deep breath and realize I am deep in the circle. I was uknowningly teaching my kids the cycle. I REFUSED to let that be the life my children lived and I began to realize I deserved so much more out of this beautiful thing called life! So began our journey. 

Right now as I post this publicly, as I hit that publish button, I am taking a deep breath and knowing I am…

• BREAKING THE SILENCE 
• BREAKING THE CHAINS
• BREAKING THE CIRCLE 
• FREEING MYSELF 
• FREEING MY CHILDREN

We all have a voice and we all have a right to use it. Never let someone silence you, never let someone dull your sparkle. You are beautifully and wonderfully made. ❤

Those Days When You Can’t Wrap Your Head Around All That Is Happening

I think everyone has these days. One thing after another keeps going wrong, you stop and think…”seriously could anything else go wrong?” and then of course it does.

Here’s the thing though, can you change it? Can you honestly have changed any one of those things that have happened that day? The answer is probably no. So in that case what do you do? Do you let it control your emotions and take you down for the day, the next day, the next week…or do you just realize crap happens that is out of our control and that everything will work itself out in due time.

We have all had many storms in our lives and we are still here….why? Because we made it though those storms day by day, moment by moment. As we grow though we get to decide not to hide in our anger, sadness and pity and just decide ok this happened, I can’t change it and it will all work out the way it should. Letting go and not trying to control things releases a anxiety that takes over our mind and body. It’s freeing to do this!

This doesn’t just go for small storms, it goes for those big storms too, the ones that shake us to our core. In fact I am facing a few of those right now. I can feel overwhelmed like I have in the past, I can cry non stop, hide from the world or I can order Chinese food, have a movie night with my kiddo, laugh, cuddle and know that no matter what it will all work out just as it should.

We all have choices, sometimes in the middle of these storms it is hard to see that we have the choice to just let go and let it work itself out, but we truly do and it is more freeing than I can ever explain. It isn’t easy, every time one of the thoughts of the storm pops in my head I have to stop myself and remind myself that this is handled, the truth will set us all free, that there is a rainbow at the end of every storm but I am retraining my brain to do so and again it is freeing me from an anxiety that in the past ran my every single day life.

I still have bad moments, it doesn’t fix everything, but it is a good place to start.

Much love everyone.

Live, Laugh, Love